A Treatise on Instant Messaging
After a two-and-a-half year hiatus from IM, I was dragged back into its perilous world when I entered law school. In my undergraduate days, it was fun for the first year or so...it was the first time that many of us had been in a situation where we could be on the internet all day long while also watching television and talking on the phone. Though it was pretty dumb to be messaging your roommate sitting across the room, the novelty outweighed the stupidity.
But by the midpoint of my sophomore year, I realized that I wasn't really keeping up with my high school friends anymore and I was usually with my college friends. The novelty had worn off and IM had become nothing more than a distraction. Conversations were just comments on what each person was watching on television, or back-and-forth sentences followed by a ten minute break before the other person realized that you had said something. So, I quit. It wasn't that hard because I really only spoke to about five people anyway. If I wanted to go get dinner or see a movie, I just called.
When I arrived for the first day of law school, I was immediately sucked back in. The combination of everyone having their computers at school and an incredibly boring Contracts class made IM so much more appealing than it had been in previous years. (In fact, AOL might want to consider using Section Two for a commercial.) But my reintroduction to IM has brought with it many of the frustrations that arose during my first use.
1) Smiley Face Use
My thoughts on the smiley faces are well known. Their rules have been generally accepted by my friends, and I appreciate that a great deal. I don't mean to be rude, I just want our conversation to go as smoothly as possible. It all comes down to showing respect to the person with whom you are conversing.
2) Away Messages
Away messages, which I once found annoying to use, have basically become a game of "see what you can say to make people respond." This game is a great one if you are looking to kill time, but don't want to bug anyone.
But, away messages should be either funny or practical. And song lyrics are okay if they apply to your situation. Random quotes count if they are funny, but the T.S. Eliot excerpt does nothing more than confuse your friends and make you look pretentious.
3) Lack of Vocal Inflection
When you write something on IM, all inflection is lost. Thus, the sentence "I just kicked a puppy" no longer comes with the implied sarcasm. You just sound like a cold heartless bastard. Because much of what I say and write is in sarcastic jackass mode, a lot gets lost in translation through IM. I guess just try to imagine how I would being saying it if I said it out loud. That usually helps.
4) Important Conversations
Never, I repeat, NEVER, have an important conversation on IM. Due to #3 above, things get easily misunderstood. If the conversation began harmless, but progressed to serious or important, stop typing and pick up the phone.
5) Ending an IM Conversation
My biggest frustration with instant messaging, however, is the ending of an IM conversation. There are two basic endings: 1) the cop out or 2) the fade away.
The cop out is the excuse you give to end a conversation when you have nothing else to say or you don't want to speak to that person anymore, but you don't want to look like an asshole. It is something like, "I have to read now," or "I am going to take a shower," or "I need to go brush my pony." Sometimes, these excuses are real - you really do need to run to the store or go get your laundry. But be careful when using the cop out. Saying "I am going to jump in the shower" doesn't work when you stay online for the next 45 minutes. When your name doesn't fade, people know you are a liar.
The fade away is like the ending to a French film - you're not really sure if it is done and by the time you are certain, you are left feeling unfulfilled. The fade out provides no closure, just a sentence that hangs on your screen. And the longer it sits there, the more bizarre it sounds as you play it back in your head over and over.
But by the midpoint of my sophomore year, I realized that I wasn't really keeping up with my high school friends anymore and I was usually with my college friends. The novelty had worn off and IM had become nothing more than a distraction. Conversations were just comments on what each person was watching on television, or back-and-forth sentences followed by a ten minute break before the other person realized that you had said something. So, I quit. It wasn't that hard because I really only spoke to about five people anyway. If I wanted to go get dinner or see a movie, I just called.
When I arrived for the first day of law school, I was immediately sucked back in. The combination of everyone having their computers at school and an incredibly boring Contracts class made IM so much more appealing than it had been in previous years. (In fact, AOL might want to consider using Section Two for a commercial.) But my reintroduction to IM has brought with it many of the frustrations that arose during my first use.
1) Smiley Face Use
My thoughts on the smiley faces are well known. Their rules have been generally accepted by my friends, and I appreciate that a great deal. I don't mean to be rude, I just want our conversation to go as smoothly as possible. It all comes down to showing respect to the person with whom you are conversing.
2) Away Messages
Away messages, which I once found annoying to use, have basically become a game of "see what you can say to make people respond." This game is a great one if you are looking to kill time, but don't want to bug anyone.
But, away messages should be either funny or practical. And song lyrics are okay if they apply to your situation. Random quotes count if they are funny, but the T.S. Eliot excerpt does nothing more than confuse your friends and make you look pretentious.
3) Lack of Vocal Inflection
When you write something on IM, all inflection is lost. Thus, the sentence "I just kicked a puppy" no longer comes with the implied sarcasm. You just sound like a cold heartless bastard. Because much of what I say and write is in sarcastic jackass mode, a lot gets lost in translation through IM. I guess just try to imagine how I would being saying it if I said it out loud. That usually helps.
4) Important Conversations
Never, I repeat, NEVER, have an important conversation on IM. Due to #3 above, things get easily misunderstood. If the conversation began harmless, but progressed to serious or important, stop typing and pick up the phone.
5) Ending an IM Conversation
My biggest frustration with instant messaging, however, is the ending of an IM conversation. There are two basic endings: 1) the cop out or 2) the fade away.
The cop out is the excuse you give to end a conversation when you have nothing else to say or you don't want to speak to that person anymore, but you don't want to look like an asshole. It is something like, "I have to read now," or "I am going to take a shower," or "I need to go brush my pony." Sometimes, these excuses are real - you really do need to run to the store or go get your laundry. But be careful when using the cop out. Saying "I am going to jump in the shower" doesn't work when you stay online for the next 45 minutes. When your name doesn't fade, people know you are a liar.
The fade away is like the ending to a French film - you're not really sure if it is done and by the time you are certain, you are left feeling unfulfilled. The fade out provides no closure, just a sentence that hangs on your screen. And the longer it sits there, the more bizarre it sounds as you play it back in your head over and over.
I am not trying to disuade you from using the cop out. I use it all the time. The cop out is far superior to the fade away because it provides a conclusion to the conversation, even if you have a sneaking suspicion that the conclusion is a false one. But I do think we should try to use a little more respect when we use it. Try to be as honest as possible. Your friends are your friends, they should respect your time as much as you respect theirs.
That's why I propose that eveyone set up some sort of go to line - a phrase or a word - to let your friends know that you are finished with what you have to say, or that you can't talk at the moment. Mine is "purple." I have my reasons for this. First of all, I think it's hilarious, though I have a weird sense of humor. The great thing about "purple" is that is also distinguishable from normal conversation and is easily remembered. So, the next time we are conversing, and I write "purple," I'm not trying to blow you off, I just have something I need to do.
Plus, if the conversation is so important, you should have called me anyway.
posted by The Humble Best at 2:09 PM
1 Comments:
Hey, I am a friend of Sammy Ford's. Your idea of using "purple" as a signifier for the end of an IM conversation is brilliant. I employed it today when IMing with Sammy.
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