Restatement (First) of Life (Another One!)
Article 8 - Transportation
Section 2 - Automobiles
Subsection 3 - Decorations
A) Stickers and other adornments should be limited to the following:
1. Relgious Affiliation
a. This includes those "Darwin" fish things that make fun of the Jesus fish (Ichthus, for those keeping score at home). But know that this was funny for approximately two weeks in 1988 and that it now makes you look like an intolerant dipshit.
2. School Affiliation
a. This includes the school you, or family members, presently attend; and schools from which you, or family members, have received a degree. It does not include the school you went to for a year but then dropped out of, or the school that you wish you attended.
b. If the sticker involves a high school activity, try to keep the size down to 4"X4". That fact that your Kendall is on the flag squad is not something that needs to be determined from space.
c. In regard to Greek-related items: keep in mind that the level of patheticness is directly proportional to the number of years you have been out of college.
3. Political Affiliation
a. The political issue must be pertinent to the present moment. The Dole-Kemp and Dukakis-Bentsen stickers have got to go.
b. If the political issue is pertinent, limit decorations to one per issue. OK, we get it, you don't like Bush.
4. Your last name.
a. This must be in giant Gothic letters.
b. This is only allowed if you drive a ten-year-old Nissan or Datsun pickup with at least one panel a different color than the rest of the truck.
5. Charitable organizations.
a. This includes the police association sticker that you think allows you to drive 30 miles over the speed limit.
6. Memberships that require a decal.
a. This includes parking decals, even if the decal means nothing as long as you have the card.
B) A vehicle should have no more than four decorations.
1. Memberships that require a decal as exempted from this provision.
2. As are governments mandated decals.
Section 2 - Automobiles
Subsection 3 - Decorations
A) Stickers and other adornments should be limited to the following:
1. Relgious Affiliation
a. This includes those "Darwin" fish things that make fun of the Jesus fish (Ichthus, for those keeping score at home). But know that this was funny for approximately two weeks in 1988 and that it now makes you look like an intolerant dipshit.
2. School Affiliation
a. This includes the school you, or family members, presently attend; and schools from which you, or family members, have received a degree. It does not include the school you went to for a year but then dropped out of, or the school that you wish you attended.
b. If the sticker involves a high school activity, try to keep the size down to 4"X4". That fact that your Kendall is on the flag squad is not something that needs to be determined from space.
c. In regard to Greek-related items: keep in mind that the level of patheticness is directly proportional to the number of years you have been out of college.
3. Political Affiliation
a. The political issue must be pertinent to the present moment. The Dole-Kemp and Dukakis-Bentsen stickers have got to go.
b. If the political issue is pertinent, limit decorations to one per issue. OK, we get it, you don't like Bush.
4. Your last name.
a. This must be in giant Gothic letters.
b. This is only allowed if you drive a ten-year-old Nissan or Datsun pickup with at least one panel a different color than the rest of the truck.
5. Charitable organizations.
a. This includes the police association sticker that you think allows you to drive 30 miles over the speed limit.
6. Memberships that require a decal.
a. This includes parking decals, even if the decal means nothing as long as you have the card.
B) A vehicle should have no more than four decorations.
1. Memberships that require a decal as exempted from this provision.
2. As are governments mandated decals.
posted by The Humble Best at 8:33 PM
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