(Sir) Thomas More Gots Nothin' On Me

In my undergrad days, I put forth the proposal that my friends and I all move to a little town in East Texas and live in the manner to which we are accustomed...apathetic elitism. Essentially, people will have to apply to live there. After a semester here in Austin, I have decided to apply this scenario of Town to Section Two, the greatest section on the face of the planet, thus making Town the greatest town.

The following is the breakdown of positions and who I, as King of Town, have appointed to said positions.

Mayor - Mader
- Not only are they phonetically similar, but who else do you want in charge? Not me...I already have the ceremonious figurehead title, and I am happy with that. And no one else will make sure that things get done (by "things," I mean dropping the hammer on people who are pissing the King of Town off).

Police Chief - Dave Robison, husband of Lane
- He can kill me with one hand and has all sorts of other useful skills, such as bo-staff skills, nunchuck skills, assault rifle skills...you get the idea.

Fire Chief - Courtney Barksdale
- I figure she can just hate the fire into submission, especially if we tell her that the fire is Con Law.

District Attorney - Robert William (Will) Burns, III
- Will and I see eye to eye on what the criminal justice system should accomplish, and if you have to ask what that is, you need to hang out more. Will's duties will not be too extensive, since much of our justice will be handled through vigilantism. In addition to being the DA, Will will also own and operate The Posse East, which we will physically move from Austin.

Court-Assigned Defense Attorney - Easy
- See below.

Town Judge - Me
- In addition to my duties as King of Town, I will also serve as the local judge. Think of it: Will v. Easy everyday. The Wackiest Courtroom West of the Mississippi.

Town Drunk - Jennie Brill
- Never met a funnier drunk.

Newspaper Owner/Editor - Sammy Ford
- Judging from his blog, Town's newspaper will be the most esoteric ever.

Village Idiot - Schanbaum
- Not because he is an idiot, but because no one else would be as entertaining.

Town Doctor - Paul Neufeld
- He already has something like 15 degrees, so what's one more? Better start reading now, Paul, because I have a shooting pain in my side.

School Superintendent - Juan Vincente Garcia
- I envision him visiting the kindergarten class on the first day of school and ending up playing with clay in the corner.

More to come as I think of them. If you have any ideas, let me know. If you suggest a job for yourself, I will see it as insolence and punish you with the opposite job.